Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Independence Day

When I think of the prospect of an Alien invasion on earth who focus on ravaging the human race, car noses packed end to end, smoke billowing from buildings, Will Smith bumbling about and people jumping into the sea, I often think to myself. Where would I go? Or more importantly, what would someone like Liam Gallagher do. I don't know why Liam, I just tend to think something as utterly outrageous and purely inconvenient could not happen to him.
And the what I would do and where I would go in the case of this unprovoked attack, leads me to the hills of deepest Wales. Drygarn Fawr sounds appealing to me. I would hide in a cask of bark and take with me for definite some nice fresh and flannel clothing. A mini door to attach to the hollowed bark. A pillow and quilt. About 6 friends for prepared attack camaraderie. But more importantly a hefty supply of my all time tuck shop favourites.
Everyone should have a Hill in Wales list. The curves and teacups in the hills of Wales make for a giant hiding place and to be honest, I doubt that the Aliens would have the time, nor map directing skills to find me and my savvy crew.
When seriously making my decisions as to what should be on my staples. I have some very cut and dry calls to make.
Maryland Red Pack Cookies (merely aperitifs).
Galaxy chocolate. Still taking the proverbials out of DM.
Crayfish & Rocket-for making sandwiches with added skills.
Jar of Jalapenos:the Pritt Stik of the urban store cupboard.
Linguine Pasta-essentially just a paste of flour and water left to go hard. Almost Pastry. Not quite the same ring. Pastry and Pesto.
Vimto for an unidentified sucrose attack.
Warburtons green loaf. Toasty has never tasted so bad in comparison.
Mint Aero Bubbles. Great balls of calcium.
Purely to sensationalise this grub list I am going to add 10 packets of Bernard Matthews Honey Roast Ham. I can totally see the screaming hygiene risks associated with this high quota, however, I can eat the stuff like sugar paper.

Today I left my place of work after being evacuated along with my colleagues and poured out onto the street to a scene not too dissimilar to our 1996 Blockbuster. Aside from teenagers getting so much pleasure from creating balls of Ice, breaded with Asphalt and E Coli, I witnessed some of the most desperate and tabloid foddered driving of my short lived years on the roads.
Now, I was OK as long as I kept under ten and pumped the breaks, the way my Daddy told me. However, as much as my love for the human race is in 2010, my heart was filled with a little anger. I wanted to run to Wales.
Turning cars round in lanes, winding windows down feeding strangers tit bits of information you had seen and heard on the radio. Predicting whether to follow the guy who makes a superfluous 3 point turn and has that look on his face that says "come with me" I know something these jerks don't. In the 3 hours of convoy misery, my co pilots and I had to also appertain with the loss of contact with not only our required journey time home, but our brunch. A stolen opportunity at an inconveniently situated Londis was thwarted by a sudden surge of traffic when one of my friends of the human race decided to let us through. Although as opposed to flashing, he used the international road hand gesture of "your turn" a kind of smug, side swipe across your face through glass. Thanks. Goodbye Maltesers. Goodbye Pickled Onion Monster Munch.

Home now and as part of this week that is still new. I have decided to create my first Blog.

This for all intents and purpose is for anyone who enjoys to examine and wax about Food. Mostly memories of Food from a Northen angle. And that is not angel. I am not that cute.

Enjoy the powder whil't lasts.

Stay warm and eat only good food that will fill your hearts and bellies with happiness. x

1 comment:

  1. "The Pritt Stick of the Urban store cupboard" what a gazza--esque statement... I love it.... top drawer laura